Bonz-2
Feeling unappreciated?
Things Got Ya Down?
Well then, consider these.....
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits...
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and
unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day????
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you're having a Bad Day????
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle..
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany .
Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly....The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet did not pay enough postage on a letter bomb....It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
God is good!
There now, Feeling Better?
Things Got Ya Down?
Well then, consider these.....
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits...
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and
unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day????
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you're having a Bad Day????
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle..
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany .
Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly....The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet did not pay enough postage on a letter bomb....It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
God is good!
There now, Feeling Better?
Hand Job
A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar :
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally
attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am"
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good, cause I want a cheeseburger and a beer."
A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar :
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally
attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am"
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good, cause I want a cheeseburger and a beer."
Old Timer Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember
the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We
went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the
back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again
and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good
idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their
conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to
himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex
against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something
about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggle to their feet and put their
clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but
that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex
life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember
the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We
went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the
back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again
and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good
idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their
conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to
himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex
against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something
about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggle to their feet and put their
clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but
that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex
life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
One Smart Old Lady!!!!
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 Police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem s ir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 Police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem s ir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
Don't Mess With Old Ladies